Loss of Sight, Loss of Confidence
by Way Walker
Summary: Dr McCoy’s reaction to Spock’s blindness in the episode Operation: Annihilate


DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights of Star Trek. It would be weird if I did.

He was a doctor, not a scientist or a miracle worker as he had told Kirk many times over the passed years. That was what he had always believed or known but lately he was not so sure, what with how this most recent mission had turned out.

He was a doctor and he was responsible for treating and healing people, he was not supposed to harm people, but that was what he had done to Spock. Instead of helping him he had only harmed him, something a doctor should never, in any circumstances do to a patient. Oh yes the creature that was within him had been killed successfully; if that thing could really be alive, with that the pain had completely gone but Spock was far from being alright. True he had returned to being his normal logical unemotional self but the treatment had affected him in other ways. The intensity of the light caused one harmful side effect; the light had damaged his optical nerves beyond repair. His sight was lost.

Spock was blind.

He, Dr McCoy of the star ship Enterprise had caused this to happen. It was his fault. He had failed in his responsibilities as a doctor, as a medical examiner. It was his fault. It was his mistake and it had cost Spock his sight, his life and position in Star Fleet. Why did he not wait for the lab reports? How could he had not have thought of even waiting for the results, why? He was disgusted at his own thoughtlessness. He was supposed to be responsible for all the patients in his care and one of his best friends had suffered greatly because of a stupid oversight on his part! He was a trained professional! He shouldn't make mistakes! He could have said no to the experiment, it was within his rights, but he didn't, no he just went along with it. What kind of doctor was he, what would the crew think when they heard? His judgment would be questioned … with good reason.

Starfleet had lost its best first officer – not that he would ever admit that to Spock. He had let down his Capitan, his best friend and what was worse had stolen a man's, a Vulcan's sight. It was enough to turn a man to drink. That was what he was doing now, following his orders by caring for Spock but also drowning his grief, his sorrow whilst seeking redemption in a bottle. Jim had told him that he was not to blame, said that he was just following his orders, his exact words "_Bones , it wasn't your fault .."_ but it really was. Right now he didn't care that millions, possibly billions of lives had been saved, all that mattered was Spocks current condition.

Spock was blind.

He didn't even think; even for a moment to consider using any other type of light. A light that would have killed that creature that inhabited Spock's body without harming him but he just didn't … he just didn't think. And now his carelessness had cost Spock dearly. That pointed eared, green blooded Vulcan! He had never hidden the fact, his view on Vulcan's with their damn logic and unemotional outlook on life drives him insane but he never wanted something like this to happen to Spock, the finest first officer in the fleet, his friend. They had their differences; they were obvious in more ways then one – their anatomy, their views, their beliefs and the simple fact that he had emotions! But despite all their differences they were friends, close friends and he didn't know what he would do if Spock was not part of his life, which was unthinkable but was becoming a looming possibility.

After Spock had come out of the booth he was so glad in thinking that the treatment had worked, only after Spock took a few steps forward before he stumbled into the laboratory table did he care to think of any after effects. He would never forget how venerable and weak Spock looked right at that moment … of course none of these things was because he had shown any emotion , heaven forbid even an experience like losing his sight didn't warrant Spock in revealing any type of emotional outburst. He poured himself another glass and signed heavily – what had I done?

"I'm quite alright Doctor, there is no need to blame yourself, it was my decision as well." He abruptly turned around towards the voice he recognized so well and saw standing in the doorway none other then Spock. He hesitated for a minute before he replied – what should he say? That he was sorry, that he would admit that he had made one of the biggest mistakes of his life? No, none of that would matter so instead he replied in his best doctor mode.

"You should be resting, don't make me tranquillize you, you heard the Captain I am supposed to …" he suddenly stopped talking as he looked closer at the figure standing in front of him, who was looking forwards him directly in his eyes , was it possible that ... No it couldn't be.

"Is something the matter Doctor?" Spock acquired, raising an eyebrow in question. "I am highly aware of what the Captain ordered as I was present at the time. Perhaps you don't remember and as for my current condition I am quite alright as you can see for yourself."

"You can see! It's not possible, that light intensity should have and did cause you to go blind! How?" he demanded, gazing in amazement and was all of a sudden overcome with relief. Not waiting for Spock to answer he quickly got up from his chair and immediately started to run his machine over Spock's body.

"It would seem that me being a Vulcan has many advantages, the blindness was only temporary" replied Spock. McCoy had never felt so relieved in all his life. Spock could continue in his duties of being the first officer, he could go on living his life, his friend could see! Not that he was going to tell Spock how worried he had been.

"Come in this instant and lay down on that bed over there, I'm going to give you a full physical and no arguments!" he retorted.

"That is quite unnecessary. I believe that the Caption should be informed of my current condition and that I should return to my post" Spock said before turning around and walked out into the corridor heading towards the bridge. Damn that Vulcan he thought as he ran out though the door and after the retreating figure that was Spock.

"SPOCK, YOU GREEN BLOODED PIXIE GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANCE!!" he yelled with all his might. When he had caught up with Spock there would be hell to pay. No one, especially not one of his best friends was getting away from a physical that easily.

AUTHOR NOTE: One word - review!


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